Independence Adverse

Happy Birthday Grandpa Builder Bob! My father-in-law is one of the most honorable men I know. They don't make many like him anymore! Thank you Bob for being the wonderful man that you are!

I had a "light bulb" moment the other day regarding Bei. I realized that this kid has no intention of ever becoming independent and that I am going to have to push him along in that arena. Looking back, I realized that Bei has never had the usual, "I'll do it myself attitude that many 2 and 3 year olds exhibit. He is more like "hey lady, if you want to wipe my arse til I'm 30 years old, go right ahead, I won't be stopping you." He has no motivation for independence, but then why would you when your mom does everything for you? Poor kid...his rock and roll lifestyle is coming to an end shortly...one way or the other. It may be the anxiety of having a new little dependent arriving in the spring that prompted me to think about this situation differently...two totally incapable human beings on my hands....yikes...double yikes! I'm not the most capable thing myself...that is a huge responsibility! I better get Bei moving on the responsibility track now.
Let me demonstrate what I mean with a silly scenario from our household. Several months ago my mom came for a visit. Bei was watching a movie in the family room and my mom and I were sitting near by talking and "trying" to catch up with one another. We just started talking when all of a sudden you hear "Water! I want water!" Excuse me mom...here Bei....mom you were saying... "Napkin! I need a napkin!" Sorry mom...here Bei...what were you saying mom? "I spilled!" Oh for crying out loud...here Bei. "Water! I need more Water!...okay you get the picture! So my mom hasn't said anything up to this point! She just let's me run and do my thing with Bei. In the midst of all of this, Dan walks in and says to me "Hey Liz, I thought you were going to move those toys in the garage like I asked you to?" Here is where my mom steps in and says "Obviously Dan you were not on the annointed couch when you made your request." She said "Sit on the couch and yell "clean, garage, toys" and I'm sure that Liz will get up and run! That is SO my mom that just writing it makes me smile! Anyway we laughed and I have to admit my family and friends have been very patient and understanding in the way that we have done things with Bei. Our parenting has been non-traditional in the sense that we allowed him to do things at his pace for bonding purposes and we didn't push. We carried him more than probably most, we have co-slept with him, we have fed him longer and I feel like it has been the right thing for us to bond. And it HAS worked! He has bonded to us like Guerrilla Glue and we will never get him off of us...just kidding! We are just ready to move to the next stage and we think he needs a little coaching by us having a consistent message with him. This week is his birthday and he is getting an entire Thomas the Tank Engine Ensemble for his bedroom, sheets, pillow cases and a comforter...who knows maybe he will even want to sleep in his own bed again!

1 comment:

Maddys Mom said...

Too funny! I agree though, there is a different approach needed for bonding purposes. I think we get so entrenched in the day to day that it takes a little perspective from others to help us realize there are letting go points.

Happy B-day Bei! This is Maddy's birthday week too. I am taking her to MOA on Friday to ride on the rides (free if you pre-register & show a birth certificate), you guys are welcome to join us if you are free.