Chicken Little

Recently somebody asked me how I stay so calm while Kai is having either a seizure or passes out.    I think my calmness is more of a surprise for those who know me well because under pressure I am a self-described "chicken with her head chopped off" type of gal.  You wouldn't want to rob a bank with me.  My partner in crime would yell "this is a stick up"  and I would probably raise my hands and scream to call the police and rush out the door. Oops, I lost my head and forgot I was suppose to be one of the bad guys.   I'm just not that good under pressure.   However, I think the only reason that I have remained so calm during Kai's daily pass-outs and seizures is that it caught me totally off guard while I was in China.   I was so jet-lagged and tired that by the time I realized what was going on, I was use to it.  I feel like I never got any sleep while I was in China because during the day I was worried that Kai was going to die from the passing out  or the seizures, which are two totally separate things that he does.   At night, I was worried that he was going to accidently smother himself while he slept because remember Kai couldn't even roll over when we got him at 14 months.  No sleep for me at night either!   I was up every fifteen minutes checking on him.   At night as I laid in bed, I would have this scenario run through my head about if Kai died while we were in Communist China what would happen to us.  In this dream, Dan and I are standing before the Chinese Authorities and they are demanding to know who is responsible for this horrible death.  I am standing next to Dan, but slightly behind him, just far enough behind that he can't see me out of the corner of his eye.   So when they are demanding to know who is at fault, I am jerking my head toward Dan and mouthing the words "the big guy, take the big guy with you".    I know one of us is going to the labor camp and there is no way I am going.  Poor Dan, I totally throw him under the bus!   He can handle it because he is a pressure person and thrives on it.  Me, they would break me within 30 seconds.  If they did take me into custody they would probably be sorry within minutes and say "this woman acts like a damn chicken with her head cut off"     If they even mention the word torture to me I would tell them everything they wanted to know - all the state secrets - Obame is really a secret KGB agent, Hillary is really a man.  I would spill the beans about everything and anything, even if I had to make it up.   Happily, this scenario never happened and we made it out of China without any brushes with the Chinese Authority.  In the end I know it is through God's good grace and love that I am able to push past my natural instincts of panicking and instead be a calming force for my Sweetie Pie in his time of need.   
The pictures above were taken at Christmas time.   The one is of my mom and Kai.  After my mom left at Christmas time I told everybody that I had a visit from Super Nanny.   My mom coached me through some issue's that I was having with Bei at the time.   Nobody is going to tell you like it is, except your mom, which I am grateful for.   Thanks Mom!  I think we whipped him in shape pretty well!

1 comment:

Diane, Mike and Tribe said...

Hi Liz,
It is Diane...we met in Guangzhou. My daughter is Lily- with the curls in her hair! :)
I see that things are going well for you and the boys. I would love to chat sometime.