Chicken Little

Recently somebody asked me how I stay so calm while Kai is having either a seizure or passes out.    I think my calmness is more of a surprise for those who know me well because under pressure I am a self-described "chicken with her head chopped off" type of gal.  You wouldn't want to rob a bank with me.  My partner in crime would yell "this is a stick up"  and I would probably raise my hands and scream to call the police and rush out the door. Oops, I lost my head and forgot I was suppose to be one of the bad guys.   I'm just not that good under pressure.   However, I think the only reason that I have remained so calm during Kai's daily pass-outs and seizures is that it caught me totally off guard while I was in China.   I was so jet-lagged and tired that by the time I realized what was going on, I was use to it.  I feel like I never got any sleep while I was in China because during the day I was worried that Kai was going to die from the passing out  or the seizures, which are two totally separate things that he does.   At night, I was worried that he was going to accidently smother himself while he slept because remember Kai couldn't even roll over when we got him at 14 months.  No sleep for me at night either!   I was up every fifteen minutes checking on him.   At night as I laid in bed, I would have this scenario run through my head about if Kai died while we were in Communist China what would happen to us.  In this dream, Dan and I are standing before the Chinese Authorities and they are demanding to know who is responsible for this horrible death.  I am standing next to Dan, but slightly behind him, just far enough behind that he can't see me out of the corner of his eye.   So when they are demanding to know who is at fault, I am jerking my head toward Dan and mouthing the words "the big guy, take the big guy with you".    I know one of us is going to the labor camp and there is no way I am going.  Poor Dan, I totally throw him under the bus!   He can handle it because he is a pressure person and thrives on it.  Me, they would break me within 30 seconds.  If they did take me into custody they would probably be sorry within minutes and say "this woman acts like a damn chicken with her head cut off"     If they even mention the word torture to me I would tell them everything they wanted to know - all the state secrets - Obame is really a secret KGB agent, Hillary is really a man.  I would spill the beans about everything and anything, even if I had to make it up.   Happily, this scenario never happened and we made it out of China without any brushes with the Chinese Authority.  In the end I know it is through God's good grace and love that I am able to push past my natural instincts of panicking and instead be a calming force for my Sweetie Pie in his time of need.   

 

The pictures above were taken at Christmas time.   The one is of my mom and Kai.  After my mom left at Christmas time I told everybody that I had a visit from Super Nanny.   My mom coached me through some issue's that I was having with Bei at the time.   Nobody is going to tell you like it is, except your mom, which I am grateful for.   Thanks Mom!  I think we whipped him in shape pretty well!

Ear Tube Surgery Results

 Who needs a carnival when you can get free high chair rides!

 Bei checking on brother to make sure he is enjoying his ride!

 A little farmer boy!

The boys like to play in my laundry baskets.

Kai's hearing definitely has improved, which allows him to be much more engaged with us.   He is vocalizing much more now, kind of like he is hearing his voice for the first time.  He likes to scream and is trying to say consonants, but really no words.  If he is desperate he will say Mama.   His balance has also improved but he still isn't walking on his own. Believe me he needs to walk soon because his mom's guns are ready to give out soon!  The surgery has bonded us even closer so he likes to be held even more...kid you weigh a ton!!     One of the fun things that he is doing is starting to tumble, he isn't able to do it on his own but we are more than happy to help him out with a boost to the hinder binder.  One last thing but one of the most remarkable is that he is getting much more use of his arms and hands.  He even tries to do the itsy bitsy spider with me.   Let me just tell you that he is a happy, happy little boy who is just a joy to have in my life.   I am so very lucky to have him as my little guy.  

Let me finish with a funny story that happened to us this summer;

We drove up to the cabin one Friday night and once we got there we started upacking as we usually do; Dan carries one kid in and I carry the other one and then Dan puts the cooler and suitcases into the kitchen and then I usually put everything away.    So we did our usual routine, the kids are playing in the family room, while I unpack and Dan walks in.   He immediately stated, "I smell sewer gas".   "Me too! and boy does it stink!"  I answered.  There is a house being built next door to the cabin, so I told Dan to check outside and see if they had hit a gas main and I would check the basement for the smell.   We came back together and Dan said there was no smell outside and there was no smell downstairs.   I told Dan I had located the smell to the northeast corner of the family room.  So Dan said, "Maybe a mouse died under the couch".  "Liz, can you move Kai so I can pick up the couch?"   Nope, no dead mouse, but yes, there is a definite sewer gas smell over in this area.   "Liz, can you move Kai, so I can pick up the chair?"   Nope, no dead mouse, but yes, there is a definite sewer gas smell over in this area.   "Liz, can you move Kai, so I can pick up this other chair?"  Nope, no dead mouse, but yes, there is a definite sewer gas smell over in this area.   So are all of you ahead of me on this?  Do you know where this is leading?   With that Dan said, "Liz, are you sure it is not Kai?   Smell his diaper and see if he pooped?   Okay, someone with alot higher I.Q. would have turned to her husband and said "No thank you darling, it is YOUR turn to smell the kids diaper"   But no, I am not that smart and took a big whiff because I knew that it was not humanly possible to smell that bad...as I was brought to my knees by the smell, I realized I was unfortunately wrong!  Next time you think you smell sewer gas, check the nearest diaper!  Whew...stinky! 

Humble Pie is Yucky!

 

 The happy little boy who finally got tubes put in his ears despite his bonehead mom!

The big brother who has been really good about all the attention Kai has been receiving lately!

You always hear the phrase "Motherhood humbles you", on December 23rd I got a good dose of the humbles that I think will last me a few years...thank you very much.    Kai was scheduled to get tubes put in his ears on December 23rd with a 6:30 a.m. check in time.  We have really been anticipating this surgery because of his chronic ear infections, sleep issues, balance and speech issues.  We have had high hopes that this simple procedure was going to be somewhat of a cure all.   The night before the surgery, I slept with one eye open because I was so worried that I wouldn't wake up on time and we would miss the appointment.   Dan manages to wake me up at 5:30 and by 6:00 a.m. I scoop up my little dumpling from his bed and off to Minneapolis we go.  All is going great, Kai is content, the drive is stress free and we make it on time.    We get checked in with the paper work and are in the waiting room waiting to get called to pre-op when I hear "Alexander K..".   I look up and there stands a brunette Nurse Ratchett (remember One Flew Over the Cuckcoo's Nest), the humourless, efficient nurse that took revenge on her patients.   I swallow hard and decide not to inform her that we call our little guy Kai Kai Sweetie Pie.   Once we are in the pre-op room, Alexander is weighed, temp, BP taken and new clothes are put on him with much efficiency.   Then Nurse Ratchett starts asking me questions in rapid firing session. I feel the need to answer her questions quickly and accurately, like a contestant on a game show.   "Has he had a fever in the last 24 hours? No!  When was the last time he ate solids? 9:00 p.m. When was his last milk bottle?  3:23 a.m.  Uh oh...I get "the look" from Nurse Ratchet and my stomach sinks to my feet.   What is wrong I ask?   She said "no milk after 12:00 p.m."   Are you sure?   I don't want to believe that I made this huge mistake!  My mind immediately goes to finding someone I can blame this on...this CAN NOT be my fault!   I immediately say well I received a voice message from a nurse who told me solids til midnight and a bottle til 4:00 a.m. (this is truly what I thought I had heard).   Nurse Ratchett turns and looks at me squarely in the eye and says "I personally phoned you yesterday and left that message."  She then corrects me with what the right times of the message.  As I'm shrinking in shame, I'm thinking darn it, I can't blame her!  It still has to be somebody elses fault because I don't want to be the person responsible for such a STUPID but CRITICAL mistake.   So they send me home and we have to reschedule Kai's appointment.   On the drive home, my mind is racing to find someone to blame...Ah Ha! Dan...somehow I need to make this is HIS fault.  Ugh...I just don't want to be responsible for doing something that is so careless and affects my little guy so negatively.  I hate that part!   In the end, every which way I turned it, there was nobody else to blame but me.  Let me tell you sometimes humble pie is really yucky tasting.   By the time I get half way home, I realize that I am going to have to tell my Type A husband that his C minus wife, who he thinks flys by the seat of her pants screwed up their little boys very important surgery.   So what do you think I did?   I did what every educated self-respecting woman would do and I cried and sobbed in my husbands arms!  Dan was supportive and understood I felt embarrassed and sad that I had failed my little guy.  

This whole episode makes me pause because I wonder what real criminals feel like after they commit a crime?  Do they have regret?  Do they want a 'redo'?  I by the way, got to have a 'redo' and I decided if Kai and I had to stay up all night because he wouldn't sleep without a bottle in the middle of the night, we would do it.   And that is exactly what happened.  He woke up at 3:30 a.m. for his bottle and we were awake until 5:00 and had to get up at 5:30...but the lack of sleep doesn't matter because Kai Kai Sweetie Pie now has ear tubes in his sweet little dumpling ears!  Yeah!  



Boys

The other day I caught Kai happily sitting in Dan's briefcase, playing with some cords.   You can see how delighted he is that Bei has come to join him. 


For the first 2 months of Bei's preschool, Bei would either cry and/or the teacher would have to physically take him off of me...break my heart!   The teacher kept reassuring me that he was making progress and she guided me to create a dropoff routine...she has been such a saint!  Well anyway, several weeks ago, I dropped Bei off and expected the same drama and instead he said 'bye mom'.   And there has been no more drama.  I am so very proud of that little boy!    Recently I asked him why he doesn't cry anymore and he said 'because I know you are going to come back'.    I am amazed that he is that in touch with his feelings and can articulate it.  However, it makes me so sad that he really worried that I wasn't coming back...that has been his reality already in his short life.   I can't change Bei's past, but I can build a future for him and Kai where they can trust me no matter what the circumstances are, I will be there for them. 

Another big change for Bei is that he now LOVES Kai Kai Sweetie Pie!   If you would have asked Bei several weeks ago if he liked his brother, he would give you a straight-up 'No'.   We have not been overly pushy about 'forcing' him to like his brother.   We believed it would come when Kai could interact and engage more with Bei.    About a week ago, Bei announced out of the blue that 'I love Kai'.   He ran up and gave Kai a hug.   I was skeptical, but I have to admit, he has pretty much changed his tune.  Everyday, he is loving on Kai and plays and interacts with him.   I haven't put the pieces of the puzzle together that created the change in Bei, but at this point, it doesn't matter.   I like it! 

Remember mid-November, I wrote that Kai is walking?  Right after that he had the febrile seizure, he regressed in his developmental growth significantly.     He became all wobbly and shaky again.   The best way to describe how Kai looked when he moved or tried to walk is to compare him with those dolls that have those round joints at the elbows and knee's and their legs and arms twist and turn in places that are not humanely possible.   Sometimes he would be trying to walk and his legs would be going in directions that I thought would not only be impossible, but it should hurt most people.  He is like a gumby doll, the Neurologist said he would make a great yoga instructor some day.   Anyway, that has all changed this past week.  It is like a switch was turned on and he is standing up all by himself in the middle of a room, he is walking along walls, standing for long periods of time and attempting to walk again.   He is my miracle baby!   Is it wrong to admire your child?  Everyday I am blown away by the feats and accomplishments of this child.   And then on top of his strong little work ethic, is the sweetest, most loving personality.  I fall deeper in love with Kai Kai Sweetie Pie everyday!

More Medical...

 I love this picture of Bei and Grandpa Builder Bob!

What a beautiful face!

When I looked at my calendar tonight for the month of December, it wasn't full of doctor appointments like the past two months.   Some of the doctor appointments were scheduled, but many of our doctor visits have been unplanned visits.   Kai has had chronic ear infection that appears to be resistant to the normal amoxicillin.   He was treated with 3 different antibiotics each one stronger than the next with the last being an IV.   Hmmm...are you thinking what I am thinking?    That the reason why Kai (and me) can't get a good nights rest is because of this chronic ear infection?   So, I scheduled an appointment with an ENT doc and Praise the Lord, they are going to put tubes in his ears!   I am so excited for him!   I'm just thinking that the fluid in his ear is affecting so much of who he is, balance? sleep deprivation?  babbling/talking?   They also told us he has a mild hearing loss and that they can only test his good ear.   The doctor said they won't know if he has true hearing loss until the tubes are in.  To be quite honest, I was really impressed with how well he did during the hearing test because he was hearing alot better than I thought previously.   The other concern with Kai has been his teeth.  He has what is commonly called bottle mouth.   It is where they leave the bottle in the mouth of a baby whose teeth are developing and the teeth don't form correctly.   We were at the cabin the other weekend and all of a sudden I noticed that Kai now has a big gap between his two front teeth.  Dang!  His teeth are disingrating in front of my eyes.   Kai is missing the enamal on his two front teeth and then the next two on either side didn't develop properly.  As he is put under for his ear tubes, a pediatric dentist will come in and cap his 4 teeth and check for cavaties.   Hurray!  I know it is crazy to be excited that your child is going under anesthesia but I think these are such important things that will change his life.   So please pray for our little Kai Kai Sweetie Pie that his surgery that is planned for mid December goes well.

Thankful!!!

It is that time of year to give thanks for all that you appreciate.  I wanted to give thanks to those people who have touched our lives and have influenced it in the positive.  I really appreciate the people that have been there to offer their help and also those who have just been there with a kind word or phone call or some advice when needed.   All of it has help me keep my sanity these past 6 months.  


 I am so very grateful to my husband that he works, so I can stay home with the kids.  Dan not only has a strong work ethic at work, but he is a work horse at home too.  He can never sit still.   He always says he should be skinny because he is alway moving and it is true.   But those who know Dan, also know where the extra pounds come from...it rhymes with Deer.   The thing I appreciate the most about Dan though is the fact that he is present with the kids when he is home.  He isn't on his blackberry or hiding out in the garage, he is engaged with the kids and you can tell it energizes him.   As a husband, I love Dan's personality, he makes me laugh alot.  He see's the funny in about anything and everything, which makes going through life with him light and fun.

Both Dan and I have been blessed with the most wonderful families.   It also was one of the reasons that I was attracted to him back 20 odd years ago.  His parents are the most loving and giving people that you could possibly meet.   I am so grateful that Bei and Kai have such wonderful grandparents.   I am extremely grateful also to Dan's brother Mark and his family, Gina, Blake and Morgan.   They have been so supportive of both children, but were able to give Bei his first taste of independence by having him down to their cabin all summer long.   It built up alot of self-confidence for him.  I'm so thankful for those positive experiences of indepence for Bei prior to going to pre-school.

I am so very grateful for my mom, because she is a one of a kind type of person.   Funny, self-deprecating, sharp-tongued, witty and gives the best advice that a person ever needs.   As you have read in the blog, she will give me the swift kick in the arse that I need at times.   I listen to her advice because I know that she loves me unconditionally and wants the best for me and my children.  

Both Dan and I come from close sibling groups, we are close to our brothers and sisters.   My brother, Nick and sisters, Nanette and Jeannine have always been my support system my entire life and even though we live in three separate states, we continue to turn to each other for support, but most of all friendship.

The thought of moving from my neighborhood sends a shiver down my spine.  Yes, the house is on the market, but it hasn't sold yet.   I think it is because God knows that I need my wonderful neighbors who have been so supportive and helpful to me.  Georgia, Maria, Sheila, Sue and Jocelyn have all helped me at different times when I have been in need.   Never once did I feel that they felt put out.   Whenever one of them helps me out, I always think of the phrase 'It takes a village.'   And with family not living close by like the old days, my neighborhood has become my village and I'm fortunate to have such caring neighbors and friends.

I have to do a special shout out to my dear friend Becky.  That girl did more to keep my sanity in line than anyone.   She always has a smile on her face and in her voice.  She never sat still for two minutes and even though she knew that I couldn't do much because of Kai, she always called to include me.    Whenever we were together, she never hesitated in helping with Kai or Bei, even though she had her hands full with Nick Nick.    She was just a very fun person to be around and I am so happy that we became friends.  

I can't even express to you how grateful I am to the International Adoption Clinic, specifically Dr. Kang and her contact Beth Andrews.   Those two people have changed the course of Kai's life because they have been responsive, compassionate and advocated for this little boy in need of medical attention.   When we have been throw into the fire by other medical centers, I have called them and sought their help.  They have embraced us every single time we have called.   Most recently they met me at the ER after Kai ran a 105 temp and had a grand mal seizure.   The called the ER for me to tell them that we were coming and we were able to walk right in.  As true as their word, they both came to check on us and make sure that Kai was going to be okay.  They have gotten Kai his seizure medication when Kai's neurologist kept forgetting to call in a refill.   They have gotten me doctor appointments with doctors that had waiting list.  I consider them a big part of my support team and I am so thankful that they are a part of our lives.  

Boys getting pulled around on a rug by cousin Elly

Lastly, I am so grateful for my two little men in my life.   I love them sooooooooooooo much more than I ever dreamed possible.   They bring alot of LOVE and JOY in my life.  I am so grateful to God that he chose me to be their mom.   I feel that I am the luckiest woman in the world!  And for that I am thankful!

Being Claimed and some exciting news....

Do you remember when we first got Bei, and I had shared the story of a woman that adopted 4 children and she said at some point you get 'claimed' by the child as theirs?   Bei instanteously 'claimed' me the first day.   The bonding with Kai Kai Sweetie Pie has definitely been a different journey than Bei's.  Besides all the multiple development and medical issue's, Kai seemed lost and anxious at times.  He could not be content just sitting in my arms for even the shortest period of time.  He was over the top active and constantly seeking stimulation.  There was a lack of contentment about him.   Reaching out for every and anybody to take him and not finding the peace and comfort in his own mama's arms.    Bonding is always on the child's terms, so I have been patiently waiting to be claimed by Kai and it has paid off because I finally feel claimed by him!    It has taken 6 months, but it has come, in the small things, like wanting only his mama when he is tired, wanting only me to feed him, wanting me to hold him and not reaching for everybody else.  But even more importantly, he has seemed to have found contentment and can sit on my lap and just be still.   My sister came to visit yesterday and we haven't seen her for over a month and she walked in the door and looked at me holding Kai and she said "he is finally yours."   I was so excited that someone else saw it too that I almost cried.   Don't get me wrong he is still a friendly little guy and will go to most people, but when he is tired he wants me and it feels incredibly good to be claimed by him.     

 

So here is the big news about Kai...drumroll please....Kai Kai Sweetie Pie has officially taken his first steps!!!   The fun part is that he walked first for my mom and niece who are visiting from Chicago.    He stayed up last night til almost midnight walking from person to person and smiling and giggling because he was so proud of himself.   I have to admit that his big ole head literally gets to be a little heavy for him and it sways him but once he builds up his core and neck muscles watch out world!   The physical therapist always says "for Kai there are no problems, only solutions."    If you saw how busy this kid was and how hard he works and how focused he is, you would be awed and amazed by him.   He definitely has the Krueger work ethic!  I'm proud of my boy!

 

The pictures are of Bei and his two cousins, Elizabeth and Taylor making cookies this weekend.

Morgan and Bei sitting together.

My house is small so it is easy for me to keep an eye on my children at all times, but for a moment this week I couldn't find Kai.  He had been in the bathroom but I didn't see him in there any longer, so I searched the two bedrooms, kitchen and living room...that is it...there is no where else to look.  I went back to the bathroom pulled back the shower curtain and there sat Kai Kai Sweetie Pie.   He must have taken a header into the bathtub because I don't think there is a graceful way for him to get in the tub by himself.