Fighting the Green Monster...

The picture speaks for itself!

This is a picture from one of our Saturday Night Dance Parties!  
I really owe a blog on what a wonderful dad Dan is!   These are two very lucky little boys to have a dad like him.  He is really one of the best!

I usually do not have an envious bone in my body.  If people have a bigger and nicer home than me, great, I am happy for them.   If they drive a nicer car, more power to them.   I just don't really care about material things very much.  However, I have to confess to being a little envious of the adoption mom's that I see going back for their 4th, 6th or 12th child.  Many of these parents also adopted in 2010 and I follow their blogs.   I would LOVE to have a third and possibly fourth child, but believe me we are not going back to China any time in the near future...just ask Dan.   One of the things that you read/hear alot in the adoption world is "we thought our family was complete, but God had other plans for us and we are just following His calling" or "God told me that child X was mine and so we went to China and picked her up."    I am not only jealous that these parents are getting more kids, but I am jealous that they have a direct phone line to God.   It would make my life alot easier if God would just tell me "Liz, a child is waiting for you in China, go and get her".   All I would have to do is go to Dan and tell him, "Hey, you don't want to mess with the Big Guy upstairs, we are called to follow when He leads, we are headed to China, buddy!"   It would make all of Dan's arguments of finances and adoption moot.  I would just hold up my hand and say "talk to the Big Guy upstairs."   Anyway, I got to thinking the other night, maybe I am missing what God wants me to do because I wasn't praying correctly and "listening" to God.   I decided I was going to do it "right" this time, and actually get down on my knee's, bow my head to pray and talk to God.   I had just cleaned the wax out of my ears so if God spoke to me directly, I was surely going to hear it.    Just as I said, I knelt at my bed, bowed my head and spoke to God; "Thank you for the two wonderful children that you have given me.   I love them with all my heart and soul.   But God, are there other children that you want me to parent?   And then I heard it, it was a very distinct but kind of loud "NO!"   "But why God? I want to have another child"   And then I heard Him again say very distinctly  "Think of our finances Liz...uh...I mean think of your finances"   Hmmm...God's voice sounds somewhat familiar, I have heard it before.   "But God, I think we will be able to afford it, I really want another child"   "We need to retire at some point"   "Me and you God, retire?"   The voice comes back and it says, "you know I mean,... you and Dan".  This voice not only sounds familiar but disguised, I am starting to have doubts about the authenticity of God's voice and I lift my head up and I see barefeet sticking out behind a curtain...."Is that you Dan? "   Obviously, I am kidding, but you get my picture...God's not talking to me and Dan is keeping his eye on our financial future...imagine that from a guy who works in the Financial Services industry.  
Truth be told, if Dan wanted to go back right now and get another child, I would force him to see a psychiatrist!    But, I do have to admit that when I saw more and more of the adoption mom's that I follow going back for more children I did get that twinge of envy.  I am envious that they have the energy, and the resource to add more children to their lives.   I don't feel like my energy and resources are depleted, instead I feel that my energy needs to be focused on the children that God has already given to me.   I have come to terms with the fact that we may be done (or maybe done for right now) building our family through adoption and can be truly happy for the children being adopted and the families adopting them.  

No comments: